Ever notice how some people just have it good? Maybe you’re one of these “got it good” people. If not, chances are you’ve encountered the people of whom I speak. Life just seems to come easy to certain people…like positive things happen to positive people, and negative things happen to negative people. Well, this isn’t a coincidence. Positive people have a thing or two to teach the rest of us gloomy folks, and we could thank them.
Do you have friends, family members or co-workers whom seem to have a great life? It seems even strangers you pass on the street or in your local grocery store have it better than you. Does it make you cringe to think about the beautiful house they just purchased, see the pictures from their fabulous trip to Bali or maybe they seem recession proof? Does it make you want to kick puppies or throw glass objects? If this is ringing a bell, pay special attention so you can stop thinking like such a downer. I mean, really? You want to kick puppies?
Bottom line, no matter how you rationalize it, you are the problem. Sorry to break it to you, but someone had to. Don’t worry; it will be our little secret. These feelings are coming from a place of lacking, judgment and jealousy. Are these feelings healthy or setting you up for happiness? Probably not. But guess what, you’re not alone; I was guilty of this too. I was the women cringing internally every time she saw a happy couple kiss or hold hands while shopping. I loathed other couples’ PDA… and guess what, deep down I wanted that relationship, but what was worse, I didn’t think I could have it. That type of relationship was like a beautiful sunrise; I could look at it, but never being able to possess it, I could never appreciate it. I was jealous of those women and their happiness. What had they figure out that I hadn’t? I literally thought I deserved that man, even though I didn’t even know him. I wanted a happy loving relationship and even took it as far as to think I was better those women I saw. I would think, “I’m prettier, what does he see in her?” The silver lining to all this is I figured it out. Just writing about it makes me feel icky. What a horrible negative space I was in. No wonder I was singe?!?
What was my wakeup call? I was chatting with a girlfriend who would consciously bless and be happy for every couple she would come across. She was trying to attract love into her life and had realized she was being negative, just like I was. She realized that by being negative she would never attract the type of relationship she truly desired. Until that moment, I had no idea I was even doing it! Well, I firmly believe, as Oprah says, “when you know better you do better.” I didn’t want to be that “Negative Nancy” who was coveting what everyone else had. I knew through my life coaching courses these were feelings of lacking. I was focusing on what I didn’t have and not being happy for those who had it. The best way to shift this is to catch yourself in moments of “I don’t have that, I want that, why do they have it and I don’t yet..?” Stop yourself on the spot. Mentally tell yourself, “cancel that!” or do as I do and tell yourself to “shut your face” (with love of course – this is effective for me because saying it always makes me laugh at myself.) Is it necessary to put yourself through the ringer over it? Just simply being aware when these negative thoughts raise their ugly heads will automatically lift you out of this lower vibration. The next step is re-affirming your thoughts to happiness and gratitude for the other person. These tend to come more natural over time. If you’re willing, today think of someone that makes you cringe and mentally send them love; be happy for them, because the only person who is making you miserable is you.
As Bobby McFerrin famously sang, “Don’t’ worry, be happy.”